Lior Mizrahi/Getty Images News/Getty Images Lior Mizrahi/Getty Images News/Getty Images
By Enrique Grijalva

It’s a well-known fact that as we age, gravity asserts its dominance over our bodies and skin starts to sag. Personally, I think being rotund is fun. However, when you have no health insurance and you get closer to the age when diabetes and cancer can begin to rear their ugly heads, it’s time to start hitting the gym and eating better.

That’s why I made the conscious effort to counteract a potentially flabby and sick physique (when I’m a 40-year-old loser) in favor of healthy one. This is certainly a huge lifestyle change for me, only because I’m a glutton for processed foods that fill you up with empty calories, but lack any significant nutrition. Plus, I’m lazy.

A few months ago, I began my journey from fat to skinny-fat, by signing up at Planet Fitness. Shortly thereafter, I began noticing fat loss, strength gains, and overall better health (Diet is crucial.) Yet, despite all the progress I’d been making, I began to feel like I’d hit a wall. I also began feeling comfortable with the progress I’d made…and that’s not good. Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that satisfaction is capability’s enemy: I knew I needed a gym partner who could motivate me (and vice versa). But who would it be?

I found no one that was worthy enough to be my workout buddy. Not my friends. Not my co-workers. I had almost given up, and that’s when he walked into my life: I saw a fucking dwarf working out in the gym!

As I walked by him, I noticed he was doing dips on a dip-assist machine — the little guy was working on his triceps. Coincidentally, it was my day to work on triceps and biceps, too. As far as motivation was concerned, what more could I ask for? Here’s a guy half my size, working on his physique despite his physical limitations. In spite of my loutish fixation, I find that to be inspiring. I thought to myself, the universe must want this union to happen. My prayers were finally answered

Clearly, I wanted him to be my workout buddy. My dilemma, however, lay in the approach. First impressions are important. So how do you introduce yourself to someone you’re hoping to build a budding relationship with, without disclosing your self-centered motives?

I could have tried to genuinely show interest in my potential new friend, as a person, but typically, these ice-breaking conversations develop a contrived tone if they aren’t flowing out naturally. Also, we can’t forget about the irony present around the awkward pauses that riddle the first conversation between two individuals. These are normally intended to not say something awkward, and yet, because of it, the discomforting vibe is hard to escape.

Unfortunately, I opted to anxiously stare at this little guy as I devised my plan of approach…which could have possibly freaked him out a little and ultimately ruined any chance of communication. I was overthinking this whole thing, which cost me the opportunity to introduce myself, especially when I began doing the most socially cowardice thing: I made eye contact and looked away quickly. It was shameful.

Social anxiety prevented me from having a dwarf as a workout partner.

6 Responses to Uncensored New York: Social Anxiety Prevented Me from Having a Dwarf as a Workout Buddy

  1. Corcho Ekim says:

    I admire the midget

  2. Richard Goodbad says:

    Really?

    REALLY??

  3. LetsGetReal says:

    what an absolute waste of my time reading this article… (and writing about the absolute waste of my time) How does something like this even get brought to my attention. I am about puking …

  4. CarbonFiber says:

    It was written as a self depreciating joke! I thought it was hilarious! I think you haters are missing the point.

  5. kneesus says:

    Why would anybody want YOU as a workout partner? You make the assumption that, just because you’re in the gym, people want to talk to you, regardless of whether or not somebody might be “handicapped”. You strike me as one of those people who will quit within the year anyway. I’ve been in gyms for well over 16 years, I can spot the regulars from the wannabes. You saw this guy how many times and you thought it was a good idea to align schedules? Once? Great plan. Why don’t you try talking to the guy before assuming he wants to be your workout buddy.

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