I don’t mean worst as in “where am I and how do I get out?” I mean “good thing I don’t have a taser right now because I would be going to jail.” Here are five of the most annoying, frustrating places to walk in NYC.
Chinatown on a Saturday in the Summer
While the smell of hot, rotting garbage is certainly an almost necessary New York staple, make sure to avoid the heart of Chinatown on a hot Summer’s day when you’re hungover and struggling just to keep that bread heel down. Besides the reeking piles of trash peppering the sidewalks and outsides of storefronts (which I personally find aromatic), having to walk single file through an unrelenting crowd in hundred-degree weather isn’t exactly a recipe for a good time.
The Brooklyn Bridge Anytime During the Day
Narrow pathways filled with meandering tourists filling their memory cards with identical selfies, rightfully angry bikers who constantly have to maneuver around clueless people who are so illiterate they can’t read the giant spray painted symbols of a guy on a bike which mark the bike lanes, and five person parties who spread themselves across the entire pathway in a doltish and oblivious manner sums up a ‘leisurely’ stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge during daylight hours.
Broadway Anytime Before 10PM
If downtown Broadway (between Canal and 8th Streets) is your shopping destination of choice, prepare to struggle through a sea of grumpy shoppers who act like they’re spending their money on clothing made by child slaves in a third world country against their own will. And I say ‘struggle’ because none of them will hesitate to shoulder you out of the way, often deliberately. The only redeeming quality about Broadway on any afternoon is the sickeningly sweet smell of rat-gnawed roasted peanuts coming out of the multiple food carts on every block.
Smith Street, Carroll Gardens, on a Sunday
Unless you love babies so much that you want to be overwhelmed — and impeded — by too many grubby little faces to gawk at, stay away from Smith Street’s ‘Restaurant Row’ on a Sunday. Everyone and their precious, ill-behaved child is out to brunch. Plates are flying, screaming voices are piercing, and throes of parents who couldn’t define the word ‘discipline’ to save their lives abound.
This list could really just be ‘Times Square’ five times in a row. Between people trying to scam you into buying their shitty rap remixes by handing you a “free” CD and then demanding money, costumed characters badgering you for what feels like miles to have your picture taken alongside them so you can tell everyone you totally met Batman or at least some weirdo parading around in a cheap costume, and sad comedians accosting you with desperate pleas to attend their “free” comedy clubs (which almost always have drink minimums), Times Square can be a pretty overbearing place. Not to mention the angry radical Zionists and Jesus enthusiasts screaming at you about why their religion is like, totally, the freaking best and you better believe it or be damned to Hell or some other un-fun place for eternity, residual protestors from Occupy Wall Street marching in circles in their masks and fedoras, or thousands of the fat and slow gawking up at the tall buildings like lobotomy victims. No wonder everyone who comes to NYC wants to visit Times Square.
Featured image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons